Up A Tree: A Jobs and Plunkitt Galactic Adventure by Michael Schulkins

Author:Michael Schulkins [Schulkins, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: scifi, science fiction, sci fi comedy, sci fi aliens, political sf, sci fi humor, politicalhumor
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12

“Jobs, it was simply dreadful,” the Senator moaned.

“Yes, sir.” I removed the tattered and stained remains of his twelve thousand credit suit and dropped them into the disintegrator.

“I tell you, Jobs, there was a moment there when I saw my whole life pass before my eyes.”

I said, “I am exceedingly sorry, Senator. That must have been awful.”

“Too right. And if it weren’t for that Castorian-Armerican chum of yours—“

“You refer to Buck,” I interjected. I had arranged for Buck to transport the Senator out to the termite retirement mounds, while I stayed behind in the company of the Big Bird.

“That’s the fellow,” he said. “If it weren’t for his courage, not to mention his skill in piloting an air car, I fear I would be there still. Buried up to my neck in sawdust, no doubt, while several million Isopteran-Armerican sharpened their mandibles in preparation for devouring my head.”

“Surely not, Senator,” I said, easing him into the hot bath I had prepared for him upon his return to the suite at the MegaTree, clearly much the worse for wear.

“I wouldn’t be all so surely not if I were you, Jobs. That Queen Latrina was prodigiously miffed, I can tell you. And really, for the life of me, Jobs, I couldn’t in a million years manage to tell you why. I considered my scheme, oh warp it, I still consider it to be one of the best ideas I’ve ever had.” The competition for that honor is not all one might wish it to be, but no matter. “It seemed to me it would solve everyone’s problems,” he continued. “I just can’t imagine what went wrong.”

“You had best start from the beginning, Senator, and tell me the whole story. Perhaps then I will be able to puzzle it out.” As you may have surmised from this exchange, I had been able to monitor very little of the Senator’s trip to the termite mounds, because the Big Bird had never tired of putting me through my paces. She did not particularly tax my abilities, but occupied me sufficiently to prevent me from iSpying upon the Senator, an eventuality that, as the above conversation implies, I now regretted.

“Very well, as much as I hate to think about it. But I’ll need a double pu root special at hand to steady the nerves.”

“Certainly, sir.”

I brought the Senator his martini, added a bit more of his favorite pink peppermint bubble bath to the tub, and, having thus prepared the patient, proceeded with the extraction of the tale. “I assume Buck had no difficulty in locating the retirement mounds?” I began.

The Senator barked a laugh that soon transformed itself into a moan as his memory was accessed, then to a gurgle as medicinal alcohol was applied to the afflicted organ. “You can hardly miss it, Jobs. The grisly thing goes on forever, like a bad speech. And, as far as I can tell, it’s the only place on Tree without any, well, trees. They’ve turned them all into—“ He shook his head.

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